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The ugly monster reared its head
And once again I let me be lead
To that familiar place that’s dark and cold
And it’s getting lonely, and it’s getting old

It sounds so trite, I’m a textbook case
A stupid condition, a total disgrace
It’s so tragic it’s funny, I wish I could laugh
My brain’s sick of fighting on my body’s behalf

I’ve tried to reason
I’ve tried to scold
I’ve tried to love
I’ve tried to be bold

Why can’t I restrain?
Why can’t I control?
Why can’t I refrain?
Why can’t I be whole?

When I’m in command it’s a comical game
When the monster takes over there’s bottomless shame
It’s like something separate outside my skin
That never stops fighting and never gives in

For awhile I thought I’d figured it out
I was skating along, no concern and not a doubt
So what cracked the ice and caused this continental drift
And made me throw away that beautiful gift?

I’ve tried to reason
I’ve tried to scold
I’ve tried to love
I’ve tried to be bold

Why can’t I restrain?
Why can’t I control?
Why can’t I refrain?
Why can’t I be whole?

I need an answer. I need it now.
My brain is a hostage, it doesn’t know how
To stop this cycle, to break its stride
To make this unbearable numb subside

I’ve tried to reason
I’ve tried to scold
I’ve tried to love
I’ve tried to be bold

Why can’t I restrain?
Why can’t I control?
Why can’t I refrain?
Why can’t I be whole?

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