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Tonsil Hockey

This song is by No Donuts.

Intro: Die-Lawn

Tonsils, hockey.

Tonsils, hockey.

Tonsils, hockey.

Hockey, tonsils.

Tonsil hockey.

Verse One: Newman

My favorite game is tonsil hockey,

I love girls but I can't keep 'em off me.

Just won't stop callin my phone.

I never get sleep and I'm never alone.

It was dumb to sell my soul for fame.

I'm done, no fun, I come, I came, I'm king,

But not of the rumors,

I have more children than a baby boomer.

Put that on your disc and then you can sell it.

You can suck that peep just please don't smell it.

And no tellin', let's just keep it a secret.

Flatter that dick, I like how you treat it.

Oops... Did I forget to mention,

That my pubes must be itching for some attention?

Just playin', I'm actually fresh shaven,

I pick up chicks after they're done with Philhaven.

I'm really a decent man at heart,

Vulgarity is just a form of art.

I'm not unique, I'm an average joe.

Blessed to get with more than average ho's.

Chorus: Newman, Die-Lawn, Jem

Two tonsils in the front.

Two tonsils in the back.

Two tonsils go out to grab a little snack.

Tonsil hockey, it's just a way of life.

I hockey tonsiled with your bitch-ass girlfriend.

Verse Two: Jem

He shoots, he scores!

He leaves the ho's wanting more.

These kind of skills involve no practice,

Hand picked straight from easter baskets.

Goalies aren't necessary,

Yeah, free goal!

My tongue's gotta shot, it's on a roll.

Hit me up behind the school,

Drinking Vodka just like our principal.

Naughty girl, your mouth tastes fine.

If my eyes were closed, I'd think it was mine.

Let's get down,

Let's spin around,

You got me barfin all over the ground.

Mouth to mouth, saliva to saliva.

If I win the game my dick'll be in your vagina.

I heard your dog's an MVP.

Smells like flowers, stings like a bee.

Let's mess around before I go down south.

5 on 3 powerplay in your mother's mouth!

No doubt, I ace at this game,

Disrespect your name, put you to shame.

Oh yeah!

Now your goin' insane.

Take off the wrapper before you lick my candycane.

Top left, top right, bottom left, just right.

Finger my nostrils, they're looking pretty tight.

You might as well forfeit before I start a fight.

Because by the looks of it, I'll be scoring all night.

Verse Three: Snow

Lilo's get loose while my stitches are tight.

If I see a bitch than I just might score,

On this kickin penalty kick.

I know we're gonna win 'cause I touched the ref's stick.

My dick's a vet, it drips ol' time lemonade,

It sat next to Jesus in the second grade.

This party's big, but my package is bigger.

When I put it on a plate it looks like gravedigger.

My stick is stuck in the net, ready for this serve?

That's game and set.

Watch out for tonsilitis, slap shot you so hard that you get T.H.T.D.'s.

Verse Four: See Jay

I like to play tonsil hockey,

I once played with Jeremy Shockey.

If I ask you to play, will you say yupper?

Hurry 'cause I have to be home for supper.

Or at least before the street lights go on.

Here's a taste test of my magic wand.

You bring the goal and I'll bring the stick.

I'll even throw in a nice, little hat trick.

So grow some balls and do something pussy.

It's only tonsil hockey, don't be such a pussy.

I like Starburst's more than Skittles, don't mean to be picky.

If you yank my tail, I'll squeal like a piggy.

Chorus: Jem, Snow, Newman, Die-Lawn, See Jay

Two tonsils in the front.

Two tonsils in the back.

Two tonsils go out to grab a little snack.

Tonsil hockey, it's a way of life.

I tonsil hockeyed with your sausage-skin grandma who you don't really see anymore 'cause she moved out of the state but still sends you christmas cards which you kinda feel bad about and you wanna go out to see her sometime but not right now.

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