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This song is by Lewis Black.

And then I knew things had taken a turn for the worse
When, 3 years ago, they hired MTV to do the Halftime Show
And you know why would you hire MTV to do music?
MTV has nothing to do with music, okay

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken
MTV is video and video goes where?
In your eye, music goes in your ear
Ear, eye, eye, ear

Big fucking difference, music is like a drug
When you hear it, you have a vision
And that vision can change over time or remain the same
You know, that first time when you're in love and you hear a love song

And you think every time you think about it
You have that vision of your special someone
And then, 2 years after you broke up, you're at the bar
And you hear that song, and you go, "Son of a bitch I'll have a Yager"

But whatever your vision is, I will tell you
If you're watching a music video
And the video is exactly the same as your vision
Kill yourself

MTV had brought to the stage that day Britney Spears, N'Sync and
Aerosmith and they were playing music together
If that's what you could fuckin' call it

It was staggering to watch It was so painful
I actually took a spoon and shoved it up my own ass
Because if I'm gonna hurt that bad, I'm gonna do it to myself

So it was absolutely extraordinary when CBS hired MTV
To do the Super bowl this year
Unbelievable and that CBS would be shocked that
MTV couldn't present a Family Halftime Show

Had none of the executives at CBS ever turned on MTV?
All you gotta to do is watch it for 5 minutes
And know that it should be called 'The Boner Network'

Kids come home from school, "I'm gonna watch MTV"
And they lock themselves in their room
And just put their little peckers right up on the set

And let me tell you, It will continue no matter what has happened
Because of the recent events, I will guarantee that it will continue to
Evolve the way it has evolved

The halftime show in ten years will literally be just planes
Flying over the stadium and dropping shit on people
While an orchestra plays classical music


Written by:

Stephen Sondheim

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