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True Story

This song is by Leslie Fish and appears on the album Serious Steel (1996).

Harmless historical nuts
Who wear boiler plate on their butts
Who dress up in clothes from the twelfth century
To bash on each other with sticks and debris
And make up the world's largest private army
Harmless historical nuts

As I was out shopping, expecting no harm
Two big FBI men grabbed me by the arm
Dragged me into a cellar, shone lights in my eyes
Demanding full answers without any lies
About a new threat to good patriotism:
This "Society for Creative Anarchism."

I said they're just
Harmless historical nuts
Who wear boiler plate on their butts
Who dress up in clothes from the twelfth century
To bash on each other with sticks and debris
And make up the world's largest private army
Harmless historical nuts

I answered, "'Tis true, to that club I belong
But pardon me, gentlefolk, you've spelled the name wrong
Now I swear by the Cross and the Host and the Chrism
That last word is actually 'anACHronism'
It just means 'outdated'. Pray why don't you look
In Sir Merriam-Webster's reliable book?"

It says we're just
Harmless historical nuts
Who wear boiler plate on our butts
Who dress up in clothes from the twelfth century
To bash on each other with sticks and debris
And make up the world's largest private army
Harmless historical nuts

When finally persuaded to look up the word
They blushed and they winced, loud enough to be heard
They hastily sent me back out on the street
But I knew 'twasn't over, and once more we'd meet
So I passed on the warning to realms far and near
To give the impression for all the next year

That we're just
Harmless historical nuts
Who wear boiler plate on our butts
Who dress up in clothes from the twelfth century
To bash on each other with sticks and debris
And make up the world's largest private army
Harmless historical nuts

And soon enough four infil-TRAITORS came in
All snooping for politics, sniffing for sin
Three went away again, scratching their heads
But the fourth quit his job and turned stick jock instead
He's won coronets, he's in love with the sport
And we still have a copy of his last report

It says we're just
Harmless historical nuts
Who wear boiler plate on our butts
Who dress up in clothes from the 12th century
To bash on each other with sticks and debris
And make up the world's largest private army
Harmless historical nuts
Harmless historical nuts

Credits

  • Written by Leslie Fish

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