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The Greatest Douche Ever

This song is by JT Machinima and appears on the album Nerdstorm (2014).

Watch video at YouTube
Step into my crib, take in that awful smell
You eatin' Mickey D's? I stick with Taco Bell
Pass me the Mountain Dew, because it's hot as hell
Sweaty wifebeater, you know I rock it well

OG gamer and I'm here to prove it
Screw you Fruit Ninjas, I think Candy Crush is stupid
When I was growin' up, we didn't have the same toys
Before y'all were born, I was playin' Game Boys
(You mean the Advance?) Nah punk, I'm talkin' Pocket
(I've never heard of that) Turn your back and keep on walkin'
You own a Gamecube? Ha! What are you, three?
If you own an NES, then you can talk to me

I've played 8-bit, I bet you have not
See, I been gamin' long before you even had CoD
(You should talk, dude) Why?
(Do you have balls? Sounds like you're 13) No, I am an adult!
That's why I'm a trash-talkin' rap god
And your face is the place where I'll let my sack drop
Invite your sorry ass to private chat just
So I get the last word and then you'll get blocked

First name Greatest, last name Ever
Screw you Drake, you are so not clever
Studio gamers tryna take my name
But here's a birth certificate, check the date

spoken:
Seriously, mine came first.

All you see is sky, all I see is ground
Now that I'm at the top, I'm only looking down
For every game I play, I win another round
The people who have beat me are never found
They told me, 'you won't make it, ever'
Now I'm sittin' on the throne as the greatest ever
(Can I try to play?) Sure, whatever
(Let me win for once!) But I still don't let her

spoken:
You're a jerk!
Sorry baby, gotta hold up that reputation.

Check out the new sticks, customized
Behold Excalibur and this is Wreckin' Time
When I'm online, I always get recognized
(You make video game raps?) Yep (Get a life!)
Haters gonna hate when you are the game king
Every single one's gonna raise up my KD
I just gotta thank 'em (why?) 'Cause they made me
Like I was their Frankenstein, now they hate me

We be runnin' this, this isn't your lobby
I'm the reason why your butt is getting sore, buddy
You think you're hot shit? Better check the score, buddy
You my clan tag at the top, 4-20
I'm a skilled freak, game-long killstreaks
That's my name that you keep seein' on the killfeed
Guilty as charged with winning
XP through the roof, chimney
Chimney, chimney
Through the roof like a motherfuckin' chimney
Chimney, like a chimney
That doesn't make sense, but it's kinda catchy

People tell me I should get outside
Maybe pick up a sport, because I'm pasty-white
You're a loser if that's how you spend your time
And if you've got a tan, you should get a life
I started with Machinima way back when
But they didn't discover me, I found them
And YouTube is the place that I made my name on
Rockin' out on Xbox, screw PlayStation

I'll start up a flame war to kick your ass
Publicly humiliate you and get some laughs
Even outside the game world, I'm livin' in class
Just check out my whip, it's real efficient on gas

spoken:
Seriously though, 40 miles to the gallon
2013 Honda Civic, excellent car
Oh, time for the chorus

All you see is sky, all I see is ground
Now that I'm at the top, I'm only looking down
For every game I play, I win another round
The people who have beat me are never found
They told me, 'you won't make it, ever'
Now I'm sittin' on the throne as the greatest ever
Screw Call of Duty because Halo's better
Even if I lose, I never rage quit, never!

spoken:
Bah, stupid son of a-!
Okay, okay. I'm good, I'm good.
Never felt better.

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