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The Ballad of the Half-Brained Man

This song is by Chamber - L'Orchestre de Chambre Noir and appears on the album L'Orchestre de chambre noir (2002).

Born on a Wednesday noon,
Somewhere in the midlands,
They'd mistaken half his brain for the afterbirth and threw it away.
Since that day he always needed someone to look after him.
His half-hearted mother gave him away
So his half-brother took care
Brought him down again
Since he was only running upstairs
Took off the clothes he'd forgotten to take off,
Whipped his back when he'd shit in his pants
'Cause he'd forgotten to take them down while sitting on the pot.
Another reason for why he never had friends:
He was unbearably forgetful, dumb and smelled.
On the day his half-brother died he had to start to grow
And look after himself,
He got a part time job in a library
And yeah, you know the story, he never finished a book,
Even though he'd started them all.

One day, in the pub, after work, having half a pint
He realized for the first time
That there was something missing in his life
For the first time he was aware of his loneliness
What caused a flood of half pints
Till he got thrown out and stumbled towards home.
From the next day on he was looking for his woman
But of course, none of those he had chosen was in any kind attached to him.
He got very frustrated and depressive,
Drunk ways too much and still smelled;
Remember this little restroom - problem!
This also didn't help the situation.
He was so sick and tired of his half-a-live
That he'd decided to commit suicide
And shot himself in the head.
Nothing happened of course
It was the wrong side of the skull - the one with no brain.

He was taken to the hospital where he,
Packed in bandage stumbled into a person on the corridor
Packed in bandage, too.
But oh-god, it was a female with her skull dressing on the opposite side than his...
Half a year later they were married
And when their child was born - oh what a miracle:
It was fully brained.

He was the most happy person on this planet even though he was still
Unbearably forgetful, dumb and smelled...
So, their life became more and more difficult,
She slept when he was awake,
She shut doors when he wanted them open...
Their love turned into hate
And one day she took the child and left him.
It looks like females can deal better
With half brained lives than males.
She went back to her mother
Where she still lives her happy half-brained life.

But he drowned in deep depressions again,
Became worse than ever before and,
Yes, one day he took the old gun again and... BANG...
This time he got the right side.
He'd learned something after all.

Words: Marcus Testory

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