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Sex or Weight Lifting

This song is by Adam Sandler and appears on the album What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996).

(Adam Sandler):
Hey how ya doin'? My name's Barry Lakin and I'm here with the man on the street
Quiz. This weeks's show is a doozy man, it really is. I went around the country
With my tape recorder and I taped different people having sex. I would just sit
Outside their bedroom windows without anybody knowin' and I would press record
And these people would wail away on each other man they would really go at it
And I captured it on tape. Also I went around the country and I taped people in
Weight rooms workin' out man. I would just sit there with my tape recorder,
Press record, and these people would have themselves a workout man and I got
That on tape. Now I'm gonna play these tapes for people on the street and see
If they know the difference between people working out and people havin' sex.
Sir, what's your name?

(Man):
Hi, how ya doin'? My name's Gregory Miner.

(Adam Sandler):
Oh terrific. My name's Barry Lakin.

(Man):

(Adam Sandler):
And let me tell you what I did man. I went around the country and taped people
Having sex

(Man):

(Adam Sandler):
I also taped people workin' out in a weight room man. I'm gonna play one of the
Two tapes for you right now

(Man):
Ok

(Adam Sandler):
You dig? You tell me which of the two they're doin' okay? Workin' out or havin'
Sex?

(Man):
Yeah I got ya

(Adam Sandler):
All right I'm pressing the play button... Now.

{Moans and screams}
Female: You bad [inaudible]
Male: Oh god, I'm fucking the shit out of you!
Female: Yes, oh, screw me harder!
Male: Oh my god, oh, I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum
Female: Oh yes, yes
Male: Tell me where you want it! Tell me!
Female: [inaudible] down my throat!
Male: Oh my god, I'm cumming!
Female: [moaning]

(Adam Sandler):
What do you think?

(Man):
Well that's people having sex.

(Adam Sandler):
No they were doing a Military Press

(Man):
But... but they...

(Adam Sandler):
No you're wrong. Thank you very much for stopping by. Amazing what people will
Hear. When the human ear wants to hear sex, it hears sex. Hmm. Let's move on to
Someone else. Sir, what's your name?

(Man):
Uh hi my name is Ron.

(Adam Sandler):
Ron, what's your last name, quick.

(Man):
Ron Johnson.

(Adam Sandler):
All right, that's good enough. My name's Barry Lakin.

(Man):
Nice to meet you Barry.

(Adam Sandler):
Terrific. What I'm gonna do now is play a tape for you. And you tell me if
These people are havin' sex...

(Man):
Yeah?

(Adam Sandler):
See how he says yeah? Or working out in a fitness center.

(Man):

(Adam Sandler):
I'm pressing play... Now.

{Moans and screams}
Male: Oh, oh
Male: We're two guys fucking...
Male: Oh fuck it.
Male: We're two guys fucking!
Male: Oh yeah... yeah!
Male: Ram it harder, harder.
Male: Yeah!
Male: Slap my ass. Slap it! Ow god. Oh shit, fuck it!


(Adam Sandler):
And what do you think?

(Man):
Uh, that was two gay men having sex.

(Adam Sandler):
No those were two men doing Butterfly Curls.

(Man):
Sounded like two gay guys having sex.

(Adam Sandler):
Well no sir, you are dead wrong.

(Man):
All right.

(Adam Sandler):
Thanks for stopping by. Wow, interesting. Two men, on tape, working out,
Building their pectorial muscles. And this man hears gay sex. Which leads me to
The conclusion that this man is either gay himself or not straight. Moving
Along. And older gentleman. How are ya sir, what's your name?

(Man):
Uh Larry Bartowski

(Adam Sandler):
And Larry, how old are you?

(Man):
I am 62.

(Adam Sandler):
My name's Barry Lakin.

(Man):
Nice to meet you Barry.

(Adam Sandler):
Terrific. Larry, I'm gonna play a tape for ya. Now you have to tell me if these
Two people are having sex or working out. Are you ready sir?

(Man):
I think I'll be able to do this.

(Adam Sandler):
All right sir. Here we go. And play.

{Moans and screams}
Female: Ah, spank it baby, spank it, spank it
Male: Who's the man, baby who's the man?
Female: We are not working out! We are definitely fuckin'!
Male: Aw, shh! I don't want my mama to hear, shh... Aww baby!
Female: ... There are no stairmasters or treadmills in this room!
Male: There ain't no dumbbells in here, there just my balls baby...
Female: Oh, spank me baby, spank me
(Adam Sandler):
Okay sir. What was that? Sex or weight lifting?

(Man):
That was definitely two people having sex.

(Adam Sandler):
No they were doing Leg Squats.

(Man):
You're kidding me? They were not having sex?

(Adam Sandler):
No sir, you are way off base.

(Man):
I don't believe it.

(Adam Sandler):
All right I'll play it back for you again sir. And if you get it right this time,
You will... be the only one who did. Okay so... play.

{Moans and screams}

(Adam Sandler):
Okay, here's your second chance. What do you think?

(Man):
Those people were definitely having sex.

(Adam Sandler):
No wrong again, sir. Thanks for playing the game.

(Man):
You're kidding me. They, they...

(Adam Sandler):
All right sir, I'm moving on, I appreciate it.

(Man):
They were having sex.

(Adam Sandler):
All right that's in your head. Bye bye. Well we learned a lot about men today.
Let's move on to women. How are you?

(Woman):
Okay.

(Adam Sandler):
My name's Barry Lakin.

(Woman):
Hi.

(Adam Sandler):
Hi. What's your name?

(Women):
Uh Jessica Sanders.

(Adam Sandler):
Okay Jessica. What I'm gonna do right now is record something, not play, but
Record.

(Woman):
Oh okay.

(Adam Sandler):
I'm gonna ask you to close your eyes now. And I'm gonna record something. Then
I'm gonna play it back to you. And you're gonna have to tell me if these to
People are having sex or working out in a gym.

(Woman):
Okay.

(Adam Sandler):
Okay, close your eyes. I'm hitting record now. Pay no attention to what's going
On.

(Woman):
You're unzipping my pants.

(Adam Sandler):
Yeah that's right. Keep your eyes closed I'm recording something.

(Woman):
Oh that feels good.

(Adam Sandler):
Mm-hmm, yeah it feels good here too. All right. Okay, I'm gonna slow down or I'm
In trouble. Ah too late I'm gonna blow it here we go

(Woman):
Uh! shoot it all over me!

(Adam Sandler):
All right. Okay let me hit stop. And let me rewind that one. All right now I'm
Gonna play it back for you. Are these people having sex or are they in a weight
Room. Here we go.

{Playback}

(Adam Sandler):
Now what do you think?

(Woman):
That was you having sex with me.

(Adam Sandler):
That's right and thanks for stoppin' by. Okay. Well, until next time this is
Barry Lakin sayin' all the world is schlach.

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