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Stop Forwarding That Crap to Me

This song is by "Weird Al" Yankovic and appears on the album Alpocalypse (2011).

Watch video at YouTube
Oh, the sand keeps fallin' through the hourglass
And there's no way you're gonna slow it down
You say we gotta treasure each moment
Who knows how long we're gonna be around?

Yeah, you keep on tellin' me life is short
And it's hard to disagree with what you say
But if time is so precious why're ya wastin' mine?
'Cause I'm always reading, always deleting
Every useless piece of garbage that you send my way

Every stupid hoax, all those corny jokes
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Well, I don't need tons of cringe-inducing puns
Stop forwarding that crap to me

No, it isn't okay if you brighten my day
With some cut and pasted hackneyed Hallmark poetry
And I didn't request a personality test
Stop forwarding that crap to me

You're sending virus-laden bandwidth-hogging attachments
To every single person you know
You're passin' 'round a link to some dumb thing on YouTube
That everybody else already saw three years ago

And wacky badly Photoshopped billboards were never that amusing to me
And I just can't believe you believe those urban legends
But I have high hopes someone'll point you toward Snopes
And debunk that crazy junk you're spewing constantly

No, I don't want a bowl of Chicken Soup for the Soul
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Send more Top 10 lists, and I'll slash my wrists
Please stop forwarding that crap to me

Well, I'm sorry I can't accept your paranoid rant
And I don't want the Neiman Marcus cookie recipe
Won't you kindly refrain 'cause it's hurting my brain
Stop forwarding, that crap to me

Like glittery hearts and unicorns and pictures of somebody's cat
Now tell me, in what alternate reality would I care about something like that?

And by the way, your quotes from George Carlin aren't really George Carlin
Mr. Rogers never fought the Viet Cong
And Bill Gates is never gonna give me something for nothing
And I highly doubt some dead girl's gonna kill me if I don't pass her letter along

Well, now I know you're wishin' I'll sign your petition
But stop forwarding that crap to me
And I don't want to read your series of conspiracy theories
Just stop forwarding that crap to me

And your two million loser friends all have my address now
'Cause you never figured out the way to Bcc:
Now I've gotta insist, take me off of your list
Stop forwarding that crap to me

(Stop forwarding that crap to me)
(Stop forwarding that crap to me)
(Stop forwarding that crap to me)

(Stop forwarding that crap to me) Just stop it now
(Stop forwarding that crap to me) Oh no
(Stop forwarding that crap to me) Oh oh

(Stop forwarding that crap to me) I can't take it
(Stop forwarding that crap to me) Aw please
(Stop forwarding that crap to me)

(Stop forwarding that crap to me) You gotta stop
(Stop forwarding that crap to me) Right now
(Stop forwarding that crap to me)

(Stop forwarding that crap to me) I'm not kidding
(Stop forwarding that crap to me) At the risk of being slightly repetitious
Gonna ask you now to stop

(Stop) Sending me that (Crap), I don't want it
Don't send it to me, no, don't send it to me

(Stop forwarding that crap to me) Just stop
(Stop forwarding that crap to me) Oh
Stop forwarding that crap to me

To me

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